idiot's guide to gaining popularity for a blog

After days of research done online, I have concluded that you need the following in your blog to gain popularity.

1. chic factor
Look. Everybody loves all things beautiful. If you are drop dead gorgeous, you score brownie point in getting noticed and gaining popularity, and this is irregardless of your writing skill. Better still, if you come with a beauty pageant title, like her . If not, you could beautify yourself by getting a plastic surgery, eg. nose job, like her. Hot blooded male will be flocking into your blog like hungry ants over dead cockroach.

Would you like to read her blog?

Or hers?


2. creativity & sense of humor
This, you either have it or you don't. Some people try hard to be funny, but no matter how hard they try, they are simply just NOT funny. Unlike him, who can make you roll on the floor laughing so hard you could get a heart attack!

3. camwhoring
This is crucial. Camwhoring is a must in the world of blogging. After all, everyone has a kaypoh nature (it means nosy according to Oxford 'Hokkien' Dictionary). They want to know how you look like, how your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/pet/underwear looks like, how your toilet looks like (No kidding! I noticed a lot of people like to camwhore in the toilet. Weird but true.), what you ate, and if possible, they would also want to see what your poo-poo looks like!

4. Photoshop(PS) skill
With PS, you could make yourself slimmer, taller, prettier, mascular and the list goes on and on. Call it a virtual surgery or a digital make up. Whatever it is, with PS, you could look as good as those models on billboards (you could even make your boobs/crotch looks like the models in the CK underwear ad, without having to sponge your boobs or place a banana in your underwear!). PS is like the new BOTOX, only cheaper! Make just about everyone looks hot in a blink of an eye.


Before & After

5. talent in photography or culinary
This way, you could do a travel blog or a food blog. Ah well, some being super-kiasu would research a lot before venturing into a new country/restaurant, so there are millions of people google-ing for information of such, like this and that.

Photos courtesy of a friend.

Looking at all the factors up there, now it's time I do a self evaluation. Chic factor - nil, creativity/sense of humor - tried too hard but failed, camwhoring - not good looking enough so can't be bothered, PS skill - don't even know how to touch up my pictures to make my skin glow and pimples and wrinkles to disappear, and last but not least, talent in photography or culinary - none, my biggest talent is sleeping, which will not help in gaining popularity for my blog.

So, me and my blog, we are doomed. *sob*sob*

Or perhaps, I could do this?

Maybe, just maybe......