KATkat - the almighty

Today, I got so bored I googled 'Katkat', the nickname I use on msn and guess what I found?

1. From wikipedia, a minor character in a comic called 'Nuklear Age'.

Katkat (from wikipedia)
"Don't tell me. Kat because he's a cat, and Kat because he's also a cat,"
A regular house cat that befriends Nuklear Man in the middle of a mission to save the city (and especially Angus) from the Crushtacean.


2. A racing team named after katkat!



3. A cuttlefish flavoured snack made in Malaysia, and it only costs RM0.20!



4. A laser/radar detector!



5. An On-line ladies fashion Boutique selling exclusive Bespoke clothing and accessories handmade in-house in Great Britain.




and...a gazillion of people with the same nickname! Dammit! These people really lack originality! copy cat! *bleah* stole my nickname! *ahem* I have to admit... I've got taste! People simply fall in love with K-A-T-k-a-t! *proud*

Now, imagine me as the house cat with super power that dressed in classy made-to-order fashion pieces, who loves cuttlefish flavoured snacks, and races car during her past time. Not to forget she owns a radar that detects lamers! So, lamers! Stay out of my blog! muahaha... I think I can conquer the world now! *evil laugh*

conversation with my soul

My laptop had a discussion with me lately. After which, I had a conversation with my soul in search for a solution to a very 'serious' problem.

*****
me: eh! you haven't been blogging for the quite awhile now.
my soul: *sigh* got nothing to blog about.
me: what do you mean got nothing to blog about? You can blog about the shape of the cloud, the growth of your toe nails, the amount of mosquitos you killed, yadda yadda yadda.

my soul: oh puh-leaseeee. Unlike you, I have integrity. I don't blog about crap and nonsense. Just leave me alone.
me: *wonder* how to? you are part of me, u fool!
my soul: *_________* damn it!

*****

Unlike her and her, I don't have anybody to have a conversation with. So, I talk to myself and my laptop. No. I'm not insane, I'm just crazy! *grin*

idiot's guide to gaining popularity for a blog

After days of research done online, I have concluded that you need the following in your blog to gain popularity.

1. chic factor
Look. Everybody loves all things beautiful. If you are drop dead gorgeous, you score brownie point in getting noticed and gaining popularity, and this is irregardless of your writing skill. Better still, if you come with a beauty pageant title, like her . If not, you could beautify yourself by getting a plastic surgery, eg. nose job, like her. Hot blooded male will be flocking into your blog like hungry ants over dead cockroach.

Would you like to read her blog?

Or hers?


2. creativity & sense of humor
This, you either have it or you don't. Some people try hard to be funny, but no matter how hard they try, they are simply just NOT funny. Unlike him, who can make you roll on the floor laughing so hard you could get a heart attack!

3. camwhoring
This is crucial. Camwhoring is a must in the world of blogging. After all, everyone has a kaypoh nature (it means nosy according to Oxford 'Hokkien' Dictionary). They want to know how you look like, how your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/pet/underwear looks like, how your toilet looks like (No kidding! I noticed a lot of people like to camwhore in the toilet. Weird but true.), what you ate, and if possible, they would also want to see what your poo-poo looks like!

4. Photoshop(PS) skill
With PS, you could make yourself slimmer, taller, prettier, mascular and the list goes on and on. Call it a virtual surgery or a digital make up. Whatever it is, with PS, you could look as good as those models on billboards (you could even make your boobs/crotch looks like the models in the CK underwear ad, without having to sponge your boobs or place a banana in your underwear!). PS is like the new BOTOX, only cheaper! Make just about everyone looks hot in a blink of an eye.


Before & After

5. talent in photography or culinary
This way, you could do a travel blog or a food blog. Ah well, some being super-kiasu would research a lot before venturing into a new country/restaurant, so there are millions of people google-ing for information of such, like this and that.

Photos courtesy of a friend.

Looking at all the factors up there, now it's time I do a self evaluation. Chic factor - nil, creativity/sense of humor - tried too hard but failed, camwhoring - not good looking enough so can't be bothered, PS skill - don't even know how to touch up my pictures to make my skin glow and pimples and wrinkles to disappear, and last but not least, talent in photography or culinary - none, my biggest talent is sleeping, which will not help in gaining popularity for my blog.

So, me and my blog, we are doomed. *sob*sob*

Or perhaps, I could do this?

Maybe, just maybe......

new interpretation of friendship

the update trilogy

Okay. So, I've been passed the baton. I'm next in line, after clove and sleepiekoala , to write an update about my latest happening. Pardon me please as it is long overdue. Better be late than never, they said? hehe.

Let's get started. I haven't been working for almost 2 weeks now, after the completion of a project. Oh! life can be so beautiful without having to work. At work, I've been drowned with compliments and acknowledgement like "Well done, Kat!", "Excellent!", "Without Katherine, it would be a total nightmare!", yadda yadda yadda. That's a little too much of compliments, but I LOVE IT! So, for that, I guess I deserved to escape the world and hibernate at home for at least half a year.

Besides that, I have been busy blogging and soul-searching with my imaginary friend, Naima (No! moron! not 'nanny' in Cantonese. This is a name of Swedish origin, it means 'tranquility'). Naima does the difficult bit, like singing and dancing to amuse me, while I do the easy, simple bit like sleeping, eating and shitting. I'm also reading my bank statements (The figure keeps getting smaller and smaller), mortgage payment reminder (final notice to be exact. Does that mean they will tow my beloved car away?) and other people's mind.

Recent purchase include X-brand shampoo that has the tagline 'See! but don't touch?' on the bottle, Y-brand bodywash that is supposed to make you feel like a celebrity after a shower(Hrmmm...and I wonder how),Z-brand toothpaste, I figured if I need to brush my teeth everytime I wake up from sleep/nap/rest/daydreaming, I would need to brush my teeth at least 10 times a day. So, that would mean I'll need a hell lot of toothpaste! I'm so contented with my 'luxurious' shopping spree! (Note: can't afford fancy stuff like friend in US and friend in Melbourne)

I wish the weather in Malaysia would cool down faster, it's rainy season now but still, it's not cold enough to snow. Damn! Friends in the States and Melbourne are in warm winter jacket and I'm stucked in boring summer clothings, all year round! That sucks! There's no daylight saving in Malaysia and who cares about time difference anyway. I'm only awake when night falls so my biological clock works around US time zone! muahaha....

I think I'll never ever blog enough and since I don't need to work tomorrow, and the day after, and after, and after, which means I can wake up any time I want to. Yikes. Boring. So, tata for now. I shall be back!!!!

Oh wait! Who should I pass the baton to next? *look around* Nobody else lah! Durh!

a love letter

This is a mail I wrote on behalf of Encik DK aka Decay (you know who you are *wink*) to the love of his life.

**********************************************
Dear Hoonkee*,

You have gone for more than a month now. Eventhough you have left me, the smell of you still lingers between my fingers. Never a day passed without the thought of you.

A meal is never complete without you by my side. Ever since you left, I have been living in misery. To ease my pain, I stuff myself with food everyday. I have put on so much weight and turned into a 'tua bui '*. Without you, I'm nothing but disaster.

Oh Hoonkee*, how I miss you. You have brought so much joy to my life. You were there for me through think and thin. Without you, 'lim jiu' * loses its meaning, just like Nescafe without its Coffeemate. Without you, there is no reason for me to 'jiak jual' * during working hours.

My heart aches when someone mention your name. I get so distracted when I smell that unique fragrance found only on you. You are simply irreplaceable.

Baby, please come back to me. For I cannot bear to lose you forever. Life will never be complete without you.

Yours,
DK aka Decay

***********************************************
The Oxford 'Hokkien' Dictionary

Hoonkee *
noun. a cylinder of finely cut tobacco rolled in paper for smoking, also known as 'cigarette'
Tuabui *
noun. (pl. tuabuis) informal, derogatory. A fat person.
Lim jiu *
verb. to imbibe alcoholic drinks, esp. habitually or to excess; tipple.
Jiak jual *
noun. the evasion of work or duty. also known as 'slacking'

***********************************************
Note:
Encik DK aka Decay: Good luck in quitting smoking! I just LOVE to see you suffer! Muahahaha..
(Here's a picture of your favourite ciggies to quench your thirst for smoking! *grin*)

love me, love my blog

status update

blogger since: February 2007
blogger ranking: Elementary
addiction level: Extremely HIGH
fan base: 2 (Warning: do not have doubt! I seriously have fans! wanna join my fan club? haha)
aim: to spread the KATkat philosophy like a cult across the cyberspace and subsequently, conquer the world! muahaha
famous quote: Love me, love my blog!

simpsonize me!

This is how I'll look like if I'm a Simpson! Pretty anot? *wink*wink* hahaha...
Click here to personalize your very own.
Have a blast!

learn how to speak hokkien

Wow! My Hokkien has improved so much!
Thanks to the useful 'educational' video I found on Youtube.
You should try it if your Hokkien sucks! I guarantee you'll have no regret!
(Caution: Watch at your own risk! Highly offensive but extremely hilarious in a sickening way!)

PS. Click here to check out his blog. Bloody damn funny too!

no pork at all

Freaking funny! *rotfl*

i like your thinking

*smirk*

"blind date" by Happy Tree Friends

This is hilarious! :)
Me and my TWISTED sense of humour... someone ever commented! muahahaha....

happiness overdose

I'm constantly hyper
cuz I'm always in a happy mood
I talk excessively
and I can be annoying for my bluntness
I'm nothing but myself
cuz there's no one on this earth
who is exactly like me
In other words
I'm one in a million
ahhhh....
I feel so good about myself

muahaha.....

my new addiction

I've been tested positive.
For my addiction in blogging.
And I'm in critical condition.
Oh no!
Somebody rescue me.
Please.

the magical world of internet

Yes. You bet my dog would do that if she could! haha...

FCUK-ing ironic

That's.... me!
I'm waiting for = perfect man.
Perfect man = non-existent
Therefore, I am waiting for = nobody
That's why I'm still = S-I-N-G-L-E
It is a simple mathematics equation.
Now, is that ironic or what? :)

really?

Does that makes you a 'no one' then? since you are reading my blog.
Hi there, no one! Thank you for reading my crappy blog! :)

liu-lian liu-lian wo ai ni!

It's the season of king of all tropical fruits, the almighty durian! The sweet but yet pungent smell of durian seems to have casted a spell on me that I go all goo-goo-gaa-gaa over the sight of it.

Mom bought some durian today. We were supposed to have it for dessert after dinner but my brother and sister-in-law left home for their weekly 'pasar malam' ritual.

Shit, the durians were screaming 'eat me! eat me!' nonstop in my head.

'I have to eat it or I'll go insane! I won't be able to focus on my work if I don't', a little voice keep whispering in my mind.

But but but... never in my life have I attempt to open a durian. The sweet fruits hiding inside the hard shells with thorns so sharp it could pierce right through your skin and make you bleed!

(Note: my favourite line for the married women: "Best punishment for hubby if required - get them to kneel on durian shells!" It works! At least it will scare the shit outta them! haha)

Okay. Let's get things started. I was desperate.

Step 1: Lay newspaper on the floor. Lots of it. To prevent scratches on the marvellous marble flooring.

Step 2: Get a thick kitchen towel and a good knife (those for chopping is required).

Step 3: Select a durian that looks less harmless (eg. thorn not so sharp, perfect round fruit may be easier to open)

Step 4: Hold the durian with kitchen towel with one hand and the knife on the other.

Step 5: Aim at the butt of the fruit, and "Chop!" with all your strength.

Step 6: If fails, please chop it repeatedly. (Hint: a good stress reliefing exercise, just imagine it as your enemy's head!)

Step 7: Peel it open and dig the golden-yellow fruits out of the shell with your fingers. (Caution: do not use any utensil. This fruit is meant to be eaten with your fingers. It's finger-licking good! Not even KFC can keep up to that slogan!)

Voila! Now you can enjoy the sweet success of your hard labour.

Phew! It was hard work but it's all worthwhile. I can still smell the sweet taste of the fruit when I burp! hahaha....

Oh. Did I meantion that I injured my wrist from the thorn when trying out my first attempt?

Managed to open all 4 durians. Is that some kinda achievenment or what? hahaha ... I'm so proud of myself.

Go Kat go!!!!

a fairy tale

Long long time ago, in a land far far away, there are two lovely ladies, Sleepie Koala and Clove. They are young, energetic and full of passion with an exciting life waiting ahead of them. They live a fairy-tale life.

Sleepie koala moved from Malaya to Australia to study and then sailed all the way the Amerika Syarikat to pursue the love of her life *wink*wink*. The end result? Three cute little brats so beautiful and bright it makes everyone's heart melt when they see them. (She must be "sleep-making" something so often that her factory can't stop producing!) haha....

Clove a.k.a Lovely flewed from Malaya to Australia to study and came back to Malaya to pursue her career. She then migrated to Australia again in pursuit of romance. Oh her Putera Katak loves her so much it makes the whole world turned green with envy!

They both live happily ever after.

Did I tell you that they have a pathetic little friend called DEARest, a flying pig? She too, flew from Malaya to Australia to further her study. Moved back to Malaya after graduation. Borned a true-blue Sagittarian, she went abroad to work in Singapura. Singapura failed to tie her down. She moved back to Malaya before moving on and landed with a job in Negara Cina. She shuttled between the few countries and ended up back in Malaya.

However, despite the jet-setting and somewhat interesting lifestyle, she still remained single until today.

It's a sad story for DEARest.

God bless DEARest in her quest to become a Datin.

Yes. Must not forget DEARest's dream in becoming a respectable, filthy rich Datin!

hehe......